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06

Oct

Sheets?

Oh where do I start?! My dating life has been one bump after another…sometimes ridiculously good…other times incredibly horrific.  But mostly horrific…

 I’ll start you off with a little snippet of what’s to come…because if I told you the whole damn story, then you wouldn’t stick around…

When I was younger…(cause you know damn well this wouldn’t happen now)…I started dating this Puerto Rican guy.  I can’t say he was cute, cause in reality he wasn’t…and to be honest with you, I simply can’t remember why I even dated him in the first place…but I did…so here it goes.  This Puerto Rican guy kind of did the romance thing…dinners, movies, constantly calling me to tell me he wanted to see me, texts…everything…I thought, ok, he’s a semi-good catch…why not give him a chance, right?  Yea, how about that thought lasted about a month…do you know that this child had the audacity to invite me to sleep over at his grandma’s house, talking about “come over, we’ll watch a movie and cuddle”…I love to cuddle…so I obliged.  When I got there, he had to SNEAK ME IN!  What the heck was I getting myself into??? And what was a 24yr old man doing sneaking in someone to his grandma’s house?!??! Dios Mio! 

Well, when I got to his room…I should’ve run for the hills…this guy…had NO sheets on his bed…yesss…read that line again…NO sheets! I was dumbfounded…how could a 24 year old man have absolutely NO sheets on his bed?!?!  I stood there horrified…I kept thinking to myself…I left the comfort of my fluffy, nicely made, clean sheets bed, to come and cuddle and sleep on a bed with NO sheets?!?!?! Then I thought, ok no…perhaps he did laundry?! But NO, there was no laundry, no nicely folded ready to be put away clothes…no fresh Downy scent…NOTHING!! There wasn’t even a laundry basket for goodness sake! So he tells me to come in and sit…how can I possibly sit on a bed with no sheets?! I couldn’t fathom the thought…so I sat on the edge of the bed and I asked him, “Where are your sheets?!?!” He’s like “Ohh yea! Let me get one”…At this point, I’m thinking “Okayyyy, maybe he just forgot to put them on???” So he runs out, comes back with what seems to be a twin size sheet for a queen size bed…he drapes it over the bed and acts as though he just did me some kind of huge favor…I was beyond words at this point.  Needless to say - There was NO cuddling, NO movie AND I made sure to sleep with my clothes on! The worst part about it??? I had to fold the sheet over - in order to cover my feet!  I left him there, sheetless, to freeze his ass off…OH! And he only had one pillow that was flatter than a 10yr old’s chest…needless to say this faux “romance” didn’t last very long after that…he’s probably still living in his grandma’s house with only one twin size bed sheet.

Moral of the story? There’s no excuse for a grown man not to have sheets…if you have money to drink Bacardi all the damn time, you sure as hell should have money to buy some sheets! OK?!?!

Ciao! 

Juicy Judy