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20

Oct

Run for the hills SON! We got a crazy one on our hands!


I can’t recall where I met this "winner" but all I know is that he was certifiably crazy.  

He was about 21, Italian and Puerto Rican from Ridgewood…he was nice at first…but then again who isn’t nice at first?  Then, I started noticing something was off…REALLY OFF…

There were some obvious warning signs…
 if I didn’t answer his texts he’d call me right away and ask why I didn’t pick up the phone…then I remember mentioning to him that I was going to be out with a few friends at my favorite Saturday spot and he kept asking me a a bunch of questions wondering who I was going to be with…why was I going there and what time I expected to be there.  In true Juicy Judy fashion, I told his ass to slow his roll cause I had one father and he wasn’t it. He tried to romance his way into telling me that it was because he really cared about me…that’s when a HUGE RED ALERT went off! You really care about me? (We had only known each other for about 2 weeks at this point and as far as I was concerned this could only mean one thing…he was a clinger and quite possibly a psycho)…so he really needed to be put in check.  But I knew that the moment I’d say something, he’d go biserick and since I know how to pick and choose my battles, I decided it would be best to leave this crazy mofo live in his outlandish lala land…that’s when I started dodging his calls and ignoring his texts…

I thought that was the last of him…up until that weekend…I went to my favorite spot and about 20minutes into me being there, I noticed that my cellphone was going off, more than usual, inside my clutch…but I didn’t bother checking who it could be.  The vibrating kept on and finally I checked my phone, I had 20missed calls!!  Some were blocked and others were from a number I didn’t recognize. This was extremely suspect…so I stepped outside and called the number back…"who is this?" Anonymous: “Hey Babe, what’s up?” Me: “uhm, who is this?”Anonymous: “babe, its me”…right there my eyes lit up…ah shit! It’s the PSYCHO!!! Me: “what do you want?” Psycho: “I’m right outside in the car, look to your right.” I didn’t know what to do! He got out of the car and started walking towards me and very nonchalantly said: "what’s up babe?" What’s up babe?!Was this mofo out his damn mind?! I didn’t even bother answering as he kept talking like we’ve been chums for years…this shit was out of control!  Me: “Well I gotta go back inside”…Psycho: “You’ve gained some weight have a little gut going.” I was like WHAT?!?!?! I started to walk away and that’s when he went ape shit. Can you believe he started cursing me out?!?!  (I’m sure you’re not surprised)…I left him on the sidewalk, talking to himself and went back inside to go about my business…that’s when he started calling me again…
I didn’t pick up at first…but it wouldn’t stop…he left me messages, cursing me out and then kept calling and I’d pick up and hang up…but he kept at it…so I finally picked up and cursed his ass out (sometimes you gotta let them have it)…the bouncers thought I was cursing my boyfriend out and even offered to settle it themselves, but needless to say, all it took was me cursing him out for him to stop calling…

Or so I thought…

About a few days later, I’m relaxing, watching TV…and my cell goes off…I check, a number I didn’t recognize…so I pick up (because I had to be nosy right?!)…Caller: “Hey babe…Me: “Ahhh f*ck!!!” Psycho: “what’s up?! You mad?” Me: “You need to stop calling me” Psycho: “Don’t hang up! I need a favor” Me: “are u fkin crazy?!” Psycho: “Listen! You know I live in the basement of my house and one of the pipes burst and everything is flooded, so I need to come and stay at your crib…” I couldn’t help but start laughing because I couldn’t believe what he was saying…Psycho: “why you laughing? You think this is funny?!?! I need help, let me come and stay at your place”…I couldn’t stop laughing…this dude was out of his mind…I ended up hanging up and laughing to myself for a while…he tried calling back but I never picked up again…
I thought the saga was over…

YEA RIGHT…about a year later someone instant messages me under a different name…PapiChuloITPR04: “Hey, you remember me…” I already knew it was this psycho…he was relentless…I signed off, changed my screen name…but then a year later…


Nah I’m just kidding…I never heard from him again…HALLELUJAH! 

The Moral of this Story - If you ever meet a Puerto Rican/Italian guy from Ridgewood, ask him if he’s ever had a major leak in his basement…if he says YES…RUN FOR THE HILLS SON! 

 -Juicy Judy 

  1. itsnotmeitsdefinitelyyou posted this