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The Caveman…

Up to now…this is probably one of the most classic dates I’ve ever been on…

This guy had potential, he really really did.  I wanted to make this one work…he had plenty of qualities that I look for in a guy: smart, funny, goodlooking, tall, good credit (LOL!), etc.  He even had light eyes!  Not to mention, his resume was beyond impressive….I was actually excited to meet this guy.  You see, a friend of mine from High School set me up with him after I had seen his pictures on her page.  She was happy that he was finally getting to know a great woman (me!) and that she knew it would work.  She set me up…BIG time.  She failed to mention that homeboy had caveman qualities and lacked some serious manners.  

Before we went on our first date, we spoke on the phone a few times, it seemed like we had a few things in common. 

1st date - We decided to link up on a Sunday afternoon.  He had made it clear that it was Sunday and he had to be home to watch football, so that we’d just have lunch and that’s it. Okay cool, I had never had a guy give me a time frame on a date before, so this was a first.  It didn’t bother me considering that Sundays were my relax days. We met up at a local restaurant, and he walked in wearing a hoodie and a thundercats tshirt.  I couldn’t help but laugh…here I was semi-dolled up and he was in a Thundercats shirt.  I guess I was lucky he didn’t show up with a football jersey and a helmet.  On any other day, I would’ve taken this as a sign of carelessness, not to put a little more effort into your outfit when meeting someone, but I was interested in this guy, so whatever, so I let the wardrobe go.  We ate, talked, laughed and just enjoyed each other’s company, in the predetermined time that we had. Lol.

I texted him to thank him for the date.  He told me that he had a great time and that he thought I was gorgeous.  Definitely my kind of guy. LOL.

The days passed and we communicated more and more.    

2nd date - We went out to eat. He loves to eat and when I mean loves to eat, he LOVES to eat, but somehow manages to stay extremely fit.  So of course, we ended up ordering a ton of food that could probably feed a village. The only thing I cared about was the fact that I had my mac and cheese and my burger.  I shouldv’e known better then to have gotten excited about my mac and cheese, because it didn’t last too long.  As soon as he was done wolfing down his food, he proceed to take the mac and cheese (that was on my end of the table) and finish off the plate without even asking me if I wanted anymore.  Even before I could say, HEY, I wasn’t done, he wolfed down the mac and cheese, cleaning off the plate completely. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had licked the bowl too (which he didn’t thank goodness, if not I would’ve been mortified).  I guess my facial expression said it all, because he said "yea, we don’t share in my house, we just eat."  Uhm yea, I could clearly see that his manners were nonexistent.  Damnit!  

But I continued on…of course I did…smh.  


Time continued on and we texted and called each other more often…during one of our conversations on the phone…he says to me "coño tu si eres una animal."  (Translation: Damn you’re such an animal).  To some people, that wouldn’t have been so bad, but when you hear it in spanish, it makes it sound THAT much worse and as a Dominican, when you call someone "una animal," you might as well tell them they’re a dirty whore. I was completely flabbergasted.  Did this dude really just call me "una animal?!" I have a VERY strict rule about name calling…I just don’t do it.  If I don’t like you, then whatevs, but to someone I’m with or trying to get to know? Absolutely not, not even if I’m pissed off.  This shit caught me off guard…I usually have a sharp tongue and I’m quick with my responses…but I had nothing to say to this, that’s how shocked I was.  What was crazy, was that he thought it was funny.  I had to basically calm myself down and tell him I had to go.  As soon as I got off the phone, I called my sister, (who tends to puts things into perspective for me when I’m being dramatic)…was I overreacting son?!  She made it clear that I wasn’t…so I knew that I had to put the kabosh on this situation and quick.

A few days later (after getting over my anger), I agreed to have dinner with him. The minute I saw him, he already knew that I was pissed.  I didn’t even wait till we were at the restaurant to talk…I spoke to him as we walked…

Me:  Listen, I’m going to make 2 things clear to you.  1.  I don’t like to be called names, joking or not, its disrespectful and 2. We are NOT friends.  We are clearly interested in each other, but we haven’t known one each other long enough to say, we’re actually “cool.”  You are courting me, therefore, you need to respect me, if not, I will drop you, like a bad habit.

He was floored that I approached him this way and even embarrassed.  He didn’t know what to say for himself…He ended up apologizing a few times, told me he liked me and didn’t want me to feel offended and that he hoped I’d reconsider giving him another shot.  He seemed very sincere, so I accepted his apology and continued on with our night.  

I knew I had a long road with this one…his manners were atrocious…but of course, I continued on…I believe in giving people chances…everyone makes mistakes, right? Hmm…

3rd date - It’s a Tuesday night and we decide to link up to go to this beautiful Sushi restaurant that I’d been wanting to try. I got all dolled up and when he came to pick me up, he actually looked very nice as well. (Thank goodness the Thundercats decided to stay home!) He opens the car door for me and we’re on our way.  In the car, he proceeds to tell me that he almost had to cancel because his mom wanted him to do a favor for her…I told him that of course, it was his mom, do what you must do…he then tells me "okay, well I’m glad you said that because if you would’ve said something different…I probably would’ve kicked you out of my car."  I start laughing, thinking he was joking…uhm, no he wasn’t.    He was VERY serious.  It dawned on me, that he was a full-blown Mama’s boy. I didn’t say anything in regards to that…I didn’t want to even bring up the topic of Moms…let alone Dominican Moms and their sons.  I would tackle that hurdle (if need be) when I got there.

The 3rd date actually went extremely well.  The restaurant was awesome and the mood was great.  

That night, we kissed.  Well, correction, he kissed me.  As he’s driving me home, we’re at a red light and I’m staring out the window…without me even knowing that he’s coming at me…he grabs my face and kisses me.  Listen, I’m all for aggression, but this straight up scared me. He came out of NOWHERE and planted it on me when I least expected it.  Thank goodness he was a good kisser…if not, I would’ve felt like I was being mauled or attacked by someone. 

4th date was welllll…clearly, I am still single.

The movie Shutter Island had come out and we both expressed interest in seeing it, so we agreed to meet up.  I bought the tickets and I’m there waiting for him…about 30mins pass by and he finally arrives, instead of driving he decided to take the train. Smart. Not! I’m a bit annoyed but I got over it quick.  I should’ve known that this was the beginning to the end…then again, the 1st date was the beginning to the end…smh.

We take our seats, dead smack in the middle of a sold out theater.  I couldn’t wait to feast my eyes on Leonardo DiCaprio. (I’ve been in love with him since the beginning of time, so clearly he was going to get my undivided attention).  I was so into the movie, when homeboy tries to put his arm around me…fine.  I kept on watching…he then proceeds to try to push me into him, to kiss him.  I shake my head and continue to watch the movie.  Ok, I am NOT 15 (except in my massive crush for Leo), therefore I’d like to watch the movie without having to make-out during it…ESPECIALLY since I bought the tickets and the movies are expensive! In other words, backup homeboy, we can make out afterwards.  Well…he did NOT take that too well.  He takes his arm off my shoulders and proceeds to give me a little push in the other direction and says (as he shakes his head and rolls his eyes)"YOU’RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE."  

WHAT?? Did I hear this dude right?  Did he just call me an asshole?? My eyes lit up and all I saw was...flames, flames on the side of my face…I was HEATED. LIVID. My whole demeanor changed and my concentration was broken…He just called me an asshole, son! Who the fuck does that??  It took every inch of me not to 1. slap him and 2. tell him off and 3. walk out. I kept my composure and remembered where I was…I was in the middle seat of a crowded movie theater on 42nd street.  Making a scene was not in my best interest right about now.  

The movie ended and so did homeboy’s chances with me.

He tried to make small talk about the movie.  I couldn’t even speak to him. 

Caveman:  "So, I thought we should go to a bar after this."

Me: "Nop, I’m going home."

Caveman:  "You okay?"

Me:  ”Nop.”

Caveman: "Do you want to go home?"

Me:  "Yup"

Caveman:  ”What train are you taking?  Let me walk you.”

Me:  "No, I’m good. Is this your train station?"

Caveman:  "Yea."

Me: ”Ok. Bye.”

And I walked away without turning back.  I made sure to walk a few blocks and took the train at another station to make sure I didn’t run into him.

The next day.

He texted me - "Hey it was nice to see you yesterday, thanks for coming out."

Me: ”I’m going to be honest with you, this isn’t going to work out. You’ve been nice but then extremely rude in some points and on more than one occasion, you’ve called me names, especially after I told you that it wasn’t cool with me.”  

Caveman:  ”I’m sorry, I don’t think before I speak.  I really like you and thought that we could’ve taken this further.  You’re the kind of girl I could see myself with.  But you’ve made up your mind and I have to respect that. I’ll probably regret this.”

Me:  ”Thank you and I’m sure you will.  I wish you luck.”

I didn’t hear from him again until a few months later…he ended up apologizing for calling me an asshole.  The fact that I left him standing in the middle of Times Square without looking back, really stuck in his mind and that he regrets that it didn’t go further because he really liked me. 

It takes a big person to apologize for their wrongdoings and I was actually shocked that he even apologized, period, especially after such a long period of time.  I accepted his apology. 

Now, we communicate every so often.  He seems to be a little softer and have a little more finesse in his approach.  

Hmmm…yea.  We’ll see about that one.

-Juicy Judy